funny marriage advice

Funny marriage advice for husbands and wives to put a smile on your face.  Some of it is accurate and true. Some of it just for fun. Either way, we all need some funny marriage advice along the way to lighten the mood.  I hope you enjoy a little laughter in your busy day.

Let’s start with some funny marriage advice for husbands:

  • Husbands keep your eyes on your wife when you are out together.  Come on guys, don’t be looking at other women when you are with your wife. Wandering eyes out in public with your wife sitting across the table from you will only put you in the dog house.  Now guys, this is going to take self-discipline on your part. When you are with your wife at any time, you can’t notice other women, let alone look at them. We know there are plenty of beautiful, sexy women around us, but act like they don’t exist.  For God’s sake, don’t be stupid and look at them while out on romantic date with us.
  • Hopefully, you learned at the very beginning of your marriage that there are two parties in a marriage: one spouse is always right and the other one is called the husband.  Sorry fellas, but remember the old adage…Happy Wife, Happy Life!

More Advice For The Husbands….

  • Husbands, you should expect your wife to change.  You read that right, expect your wife to change once you exchange those wedding vows.  Once you put a wedding ring on that finger she takes total control and you are at her mercy.  You want sex?  You will have to earn it.  Want to go out with friends?  Better plan on paying the price.  And by the way, she is going to change a lot physically. Hair color will change, Things that were once perky will begin to sag and droop.  It is a fact of life so accept it.
  • Fellas, you are constantly bragging about your athletic prowess by hitting baskets on the basketball floor or goals on the soccer field, where you really need to improve your aim is in the bathroom. Practice your aim and remember these simple rules: toilet seat goes down after use, and, when necessary, open bathroom window when finished.

Ok, ladies time for a little funny marriage advice for us wives:

  • Wives, please stop reading those enticing romantic novels.  You are only going to frustrate yourself. Husbands will never be the hopeless romantics that those novels try to portray.  This is the real world; not some fantasy novel.  You are going to have realize that picking up dirty underwear, cleaning up his daily messes and dealing with his tasteless jokes are your reality.  He is never going to sweep you off your feet or serenade you with love songs or poetry now that he has put a ring on that finger.  It’s over!  Accept this truth and quit reading those romance novels.
  • Please don’t waste your time trying to change your husband into a better man.  It will be a futile effort. You are not going to smooth those rough edges off of him.  No, in fact, those edges will probably only get rougher over time.  After you both say, “I Do!” husbands tend to quit working to impress his lady.  You can only hope doesn’t get too bad.  Good luck, ladies.

One More Piece Of Advice For The Wives….

  • The next funny marriage advice for wives is regarding house training your husband in proper use of the toilet.  First, you need to know most men have terrible aim when it come to doing number “one”.  They make a mess and never clean up after themselves. Knowing this fact, it is advisable that you don’t enter the bathroom barefooted until you have cleaned up after him.  Now let’s talk about number “two”; a man’s digestive system is different than a woman’s.  I don’t know the biological details, but the odor that a man can generate during a bowel movement is beyond description. Woooeee!  Stay out of and away from the bathroom for as long as you can after he does his thing.  Remind him to open the window and/or turn on the exhaust fan after he is done.

Hopefully, you know that this post was done just for a little humor.  While many of the things discussed in this post has some elements of truth it is really just some funny marriage advice that you can share with your spouse for a good laugh.

Dale and I have learned that the more we can laugh together the stronger our bond as husband and wife grows.  That’s why we like watching the funny marriage videos that we post on this site.  Take more time to laugh together and less time worried about the insignificant things in life.

We would love to hear some of your funny marriage advice.  Please share with us below.